Why we fail

What separates the  people who are winning from those who fail to achieve their goals? It has nothing to do with luck or fate. It is the resistance one holds to one’s goal. People are not aware of the resistance because it is hidden in the subconscious mind.

You can want something but also want the complete opposite. For instance, you may want to lose weight but you also want what food does in meeting more pressing wants in your life. Resistance is what is pulling you in the opposite direction from where you want to go.

People believe that by putting more energy and motivation into the goal of winning they will overpower the part that is in resistance.  The problem is that by pulling against what you resist you are adding energy to it, what you resist persists. This explains why after being successful in losing weight on a weight loss programme you finally cave in and you are back to your old relationship with food.

You need to figure out what is your resistance to success. There is a reason that an aspect of you is pulling against what you want, it actually believes that is in your BEST interests. You must remember that your subconscious in NEVER doing anything against you, it is doing things for you.

One of the the goals of the subconscious mind is to protect us emotionally, it wants us moving towards feeling better. The problem is that in the process of striving for a goal we are causing more powerful negative feelings.

You must discover what are the positive intentions that are preventing you from achieving your goal and you must be totally honest with yourself. It is only when you address the positive intentions behind the resistance to your goal that you have a chance of success.

Let’s take the example of a weight loss goal here again. While you know that being slim is desirable for your health and the impression you create in presenting yourself to others, there may be subconscious resistance to looking slim or the new way you relate to food.

You may be using the fat as a means of safety, see slimness as attracting attention if you have problems with your sexuality say in the case you had been abused. If your partner is jealous, your new found attractiveness may be causing tensions in the relationship (of course, the reason will be subconscious). You may not feel you are worthy of looking more attractive, you may see food as your only means of escaping from negative feeling or find you don’t have any other immediate way of rewarding yourself. You may be punishing an unloving partner by being overweight.

These are just a few of the reasons that may be causing resistance to a weight loss goal. The reasons for resistance can be intricate. I used the example of weight loss to demonstrate resistance but resistance can cause you to fail in any aspect of your life: career, sport, relationships, etc.

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