When a couple starts courting and up to the time they get married, they often do the right things to help them grow together in friendship and love. Then, when they settle into their married life they can take the marriage for granted in the expectation that all will be fine if they don’t invest in the marriage.
If we compare this to the time and effort that is put into creating a beautiful garden. Finally, the day has arrived when it is completed and the friends come to the party. Everything about the garden looks rosy. What would happen if you no longer paid attention to the garden? Gradually the weeds would start to grow and the once beautiful garden now begins to look like an eyesore.
If the necessary attention is paid to the relationship, gradually the quality of the relationship begins to deteriorate to a point where the couple realises that there is a problem. When this moment arrives it is time to act.
A marriage problem doesn’t go away and if you don’t have the proper information you can make it worse. Doing the wrong thing make the problem worse, getting the exact opposite to what you want.
People can blame themselves for the problems in their marriage but think of what happened. You got married and nobody trained you, the only training you get was on the job. While at the same time doing damage to the relationship you were not told how to build.
If a problem has arisen, all is not lost. If you get the right strategy your marriage can be repaired. The problem with help is that there is a lot of bad advice available. How well you will succeed can depend on how the therapist or programme is.
When things go wrong in a marriage the person may feel that they accidently married the wrong person. It is important that you marry a person that you are compatible with but marriage has less to do with the person you married than doing the right things to the person to whom you are married.
The first thing you can do is analyse your behaviour and see how you can change. When you change your behaviour you will automatically change the behaviour of your spouse as the other person has developed an automatic response to what you say and do.
What would be your perfect day, what things would you be saying to your partner and what would you be doing? This is an outcome that you can start working towards. Then break this down into doable steps.
Get some YOU time. The better person you become the more you can bring to the partnership. Both partners in the marriage need space, nobody wants to be crowded. Space also helps to put things in perspective.
Resolve money issues. Money can play a huge part in the conflict that can arise. Money can be used for power in a relationship. Money is just euros and cents, it can also represent control, self-worth and freedom. It is important to make an active plan as how to manage money,
Let go of grudges, let go of the bad memories. There is no going back in time to change history and you and you partner are different people today. People are growing and changing as time moves on, don’t let the past destroy the present and the future.
Get connected again. People lose connection, they can drift apart where time, interest and passion are put into other things. For instance, he gets married to the work and she gets married to the kids. They lose each other in the process, they stop building the connection.
Here is a link to a popular online programme to help you save your marriage.