Confidence is everyone’s default state. However, the home and community in which we grow up determine whether or not we hold onto that confidence. Trauma, punishment, shaming and other such experience can erode our confidence, make us fearful and anxious in the company of others. It also affects our attitude to life and our level of happiness and success in life.
Nothing is written is stone subconsciously, we can learn to undo the mindset created by bad experiences and step back into our default confident state. What are the characteristics of a confident person’s mindset?
Confident people don’t compare themselves to others.
They just want to be the best that they can be. The act of comparison is the act of rejection. Children are often compared to siblings or other children, this is one way that people can start to feel rejected from an early age – not feeling good enough.
They don’t live by other people’s standards.
They decide what their own rules for success are and then they live by rules. They don’t want to live according to the expectation of others, they find their purpose in life and they tend to live passionately.
They don’t mind rejection.
HERE is a link to another blog post on dealing with rejection.
They embrace change.
People have to move out of their comfort to grow and be successful, they have to adapt to a changing world. People who lack confidence tend to stay in the comfort of the familiar fearing change, even though they are unhappy with their present situation in life.
They don’t judge themselves.
They relate to everyone like they do to their families. When people do things or say things to the family they are not judging what they said, whether it sounded stupid or whatever.
They are proactive.
They don’t wait for things to happen, they take action to achieve their desired outcomes. They don’t passively wait for some outside condition to change over which they have no control, they take action on things over which they have control.
They don’t dwell on the past.
They don’t dwell on something embarrassing that happened in the past. They tend to remember the nice things that happened in the past and forget about anything that could negatively influence their confidence.
They take calculated risks.
They know that they can handle new situations. When they succeed it improves their confidence. Success breeds success. Also, if they don’t succeed at achieving a goal they don’t see themselves as a failure, they realise that was the strategy that failed, they learn from the setback and take on another calculated risk.
They are not people pleasers.
They have no problem saying no to others, they make decisions based on their own agenda. Other people are free to love them or hate them. They know if they please someone they are probably displeasing someone else in the process, so they don’t down the route of not wanting to upset others.
The are not perfectionists.
Perfectionists set themselves up to fail over and over again. Confident people want to be the best that they can be. They know that it is normal not to be at their best all the time.